Oh My Edward!
by Moonlightfire89
Summary: What up in the cullen world? Edward is having an affair! And no it's not with Bella! Who is this new person? Check it out inside. Takes place while Bella is pregnant!
1. Oh My Edward!

**Ok Twihard fans please don't get offended. This is just a spoof. I wasn't able to find anything inspiring for my other running story so just took a break with a fun little side story. I love Twilight. Read the other story if you don't believe it. So Teams Edward, Jacob and Switzerland; have fun ok? **

CHAPTER 1Oh! My Edward

"We have to tell her soon Edward! This can't go on"

He just watched me with those honey colored eyes. So warm, so deep, so full of incomprehensible emotions. Staring into his eyes was like diving into a ocean without any way of resurfacing. I found myself drowning in them once again. Staring at the perfection of his face. The way his untidy hairs curled around in casual disarray. It was hard to believe that this perfect miracle was meant for me. How could I have ever thought of him as evil? I really have no idea. All I knew, life without Edward was kind of meaningless now.

"She's been in the dark for almost a year now. How long are we going to keep spoiling our lives like this? It's not fair, not even to Bella."

We had both made immense sacrifices to be where we were today. We had broken innumerable hearts, fought against the odds, trying to keep our love boat from rocking. I was not going to let a mere girl spoil this for us, even if the girl in question was my best friend Bella swan.

"Calm down. We'll tell her soon, I promise. Let's just wait for the right time, ok? It won't really be appropriate to shock her with this right now. She's pregnant."

My face fell. Yes, Bella was pregnant. Dying with some kind of freaky mutation crap inside her. Edward had been apologizing ever since they had returned, saying Bella had came on to him. I remembered laughing hysterically when he said he had damn nearly been raped. But now aside from our relation, I was also worried about Bella surviving this pregnancy. It made the guilt multiply in my head. My best friend was dying and I was having an affair with her husband.

My qualms must have mirrored on my face because his was creasing with worry.

"I promise we'll tell her soon"

He proceeded to take my chin in his cupped hands and kissed my forehead gently. He slowly started tracing the kisses.

"I" Gentle kiss on nose

"love" Cheek

"you" as his lips finally found mine the world was alright again. Nothing seemed as complicated as it had before.

Sure I was still worried about Bella but…His tongue grazed outside my lips, wanting but forbidden to kiss me thoroughly. I just pushed myself closer to him, I don't care if I died today I just wanted to be close to him.

"You know the best thing about us? At least you can never get pregnant." He was in one of his stupid humor moods.

"Not funny Ed!"

"I am serious! Apart from pregnancy issue too, we have all things working for us. For one thing you are strong enough to tussle fight me, so I never have to watch my strength around you. The no kissing part is disgusting but… there's nobody in this world I would trade you for"

My heart was soaring in a flurry. A smile spread across my face. His fingers traced that smile gently.

"You remember how we couldn't even stand each other till last year?"

He smirked. "I don't know what you're talking about"

"Really? So you don't remember, ah, for instance, how you almost killed me last winter? Or the fact that our clans are supposed to be arch enemies?"

"Not really. No"

"Ed!"

"What?"

"Love you!"

He hugged me suddenly, in a way that felt like he thought I would disappear the moment he let go. I wanted to drive away this desperation, this despair miles away from him.

So I hugged him right back and whispered "Hey! Bear Hugs are supposed to be my specialty!"

It worked. He grinned and shoved my shoulder playfully "Love you Jake"

"Love you more."

**He heh he! So how was my little shocker? Too liberalist?**


	2. In love with A Dog!

**Glad you people loved OME! So much. Keep reviewing suggestions are always welcome. **

**Little Note: Unlike the Book, Edward and Bella are already married when the new borns attack. They are Planning their Honeymoon, instead of marriage in that part.**

**CHAPTER 2**

**In Love with A Dog**

It was around midnight. We were at my place and as Jacob was officially homeless now, he's stayed back with us. With me.

I sat curled up in his arms. I had never thought my dead heart could ever function again but this miracle right by my side made my heart soar, fly, splutter all at once.

I marveled at his spectacular body, as he was asleep I was openly ogling. I traced my fingers lightly over his perfectly formed body, the rock hard abs, the beautiful, smooth skin, the soft feel of his skin under my hand. He was so unbelievably gorgeous. In a rush of affection, I leaned in to peck his lips. Well, I'd meant it to be just a peck but he was so soft, so warm, it was like melding fire and ice. Instant attraction. His arm circled around my back. If I'd been paying attention, I'd have noticed him slip. As it happened we both tumbled out of the bed, tangled into each other.

"Huh? Wha..? Ed? What happened?"

"We fell"

I really don't know why it was so funny but we started laughing maniacally until tears were running down our, well his face.

Ah! Tears. That label of mortality. I licked them away from his gently.

"Yeah I'd love to continue where this is going but I have a five o'clock patrol in the morning."

"Hey! I was just being affectionate."

He rolled his eyes. "Suuurre you were Ed! Good night" He tousled my hair and went back to bed.

I just kept grinning like an idiot hopelessly in love.

Later that night, I remembered how things had started out between us. I still felt guilty for hurting Jake that day. The day when we were fighting the newborns, I had went to find Jacob at Bella's request. I had found him running so freakin' fast I would never have caught up if I wasn't a vampire.

"Jacob Wait. I did not mean to carry things that far. I apologize. Please come back and talk to Bella. She is really upset over what happened."

He suddenly jerked to a halt. I came around to face him. That's what hit me. His face. It was soaked with tears.

"Didn't you though, Edward? You did actually want me to hear what she said, didn't you?"

It was the truth, but I couldn't tell him that.

"No Jacob, that's not the case. I'm really sorry."

"So you guys are going away, huh?"

"Jacob, I'm sorry. I know you know you love Bella but…"

"Edward Cullen, You are so blind."

And with that confusing statement he ran off to meet Bella.

I was waiting when he came back.

His head was whirling with the kiss he had just forced Bella into, but instead of the savage victory I expected there was only a slight disgust in his thoughts about it.

"You don't actually love her do you?"

"She's upset Edward. You better go and console her."

His words were bitter. I didn't understand it.

"Jacob…"

He grabbed me by the shoulders and shook me.

"Can't you see, Edward? Can't you see?"

His eyes were so beautiful. They were so beautiful but right now so vulnerable. All his emotions were right there in his eyes laid bare for me to read.

And staring into his eyes I _could_ see. The thing Jacob had been hiding was now all over his mind.

I grabbed him back and crushed my lips to his.

And that was the dawn of a new life, for both of us.

Of course, in the fight with new borns Jacob got seriously injured. I was worried as hell. Carlisle was going on about how the bones would have to be broken to be recast. It was like I was living with Jacob through his pain.

Of course by the time Jake was well, we were off on that damn honeymoon and now Bella was pregnant! What were we going to do?

I knew I would find a solution though because about one thing I was absolutely sure. I was irrevocably, irreparably and unconditionally in love with a dog.

**I think this didn't come out as well as the first. What do you think? Let me know Review.**


	3. The Awards Night!

**So I know secrecy is supposed to be the major thing about twilight but this is just spoof, so don't worry too much. Go ahead and Love it, Please?**

**CHAPTER 3**

**The Awards Night **

**Edward**

Jacob had decided his calling laid in acting. He was so freakin' hot who was I to argue? So he'd been in the business for two years now. Today we were going to the VTV People's Choice Awards. He'd been nominated for his first major movie 'New Moon'. It was based on some sort of novel, written by a lady called Stephenie Meyer. So, basically I was his _date_. I smiled at the wondrous sound of that. Of course, for public propriety we were just good friends.

He'd had tried to cancel it on account of Bella being sick but I could see how much it meant to him. So, with Bella's blessings we were both going tonight. I was so proud. Jake had done well in life.

Of course, the scent of the thousands of his screaming, howling female (a very few males, too) fans did sometimes get overwhelming for me. These women had basically made Jacob a household name. The hysteria surrounding him was crazy. Companies had went freaky dishing out stuff like Jacob black stationary, clothes, even incredulously a Jacob Black_ G-String_!

He loved it. Of course he loved it. Attention seeking, happy-go-lucky prat. His grins, when everyone was screaming his name, melted my heart and slithered it to my toes.

He entered the room. Ok, I'd seen him millions of times but tonight he looked _Hot_! I mean, boy oh boy, look at that fantastic body. My thoughts kept losing their stream of coherency around him.

He gave a wolf-whistle.

"Woah! You look downright Seeexxxxxxxxy, Ed! Yum, yum, yum. Dang the awards."

His lower lip jutted out, as if he'd just been denied a treat. I laughed.

"You look downright edible too." Then my face turned sour. "Which is what those screaming banshee's are waiting to do tonight, I'm sure." My tone had turned sulky. I didn't care.

But Jake wasn't having any of it. He grabbed me from behind and pulled me in.

"Jealous much? I think half my fans scream because of you man. You are way way hotter than me. And FYI those girls can go to hell. I'm booked with the love of my life."

He turned me around and smacked my lips soundly.

Desire raged with annoyance. It wasn't a long battle.

"Um…Jake?"

"Yep?"

"You want to wear that tux tonight, right? Let's go before I shred it."

He grinned sheepishly.

"Yeah in a minute. But first…"

He pulled out a red rose and placed it in my tux buttonhole.

"Aw. Thanx champ!"

He just grinned that idiot wolf grin and took my hand as we went out to face the madness.

**Jacob **

The Limo was waiting when we went out. The chauffer pulled on the apprehensive look he reserved just for Edward. It irritated me. I was already nervous. Not that I'll ever admit it.

"Let's go, Henry." I snapped.

"Yes sir."

He pulled open the doors. I stepped back for Ed. Henry grimaced.

Soon we were shuttling full speed to the award night.

"Nervous?"

Dammit! He read everything!

"Just a bit."

He squeezed my hand.

"Don't worry. You'll rock!"

I loved how Edward had picked up some new era vocabulary. It sounded so rad hearing him say things like "You'll rock."

We'd reached. The event looked major league even on the exterior.

Selena walking by with her date, waved. So did Demi, a little way ahead.

"Always the ladies man." Edward whispered dryly. I shrugged apologetically.

Taylor swift walked by us, placing a quick kiss on my cheek. She _was_ starring opposite me in my next venture.

Edward looked livid.

And then we passed the frantic fans. They started yelling their lungs out.

"Jacob we love you?"

"Jacob This way!"

"He looked at me! I swear!"

One fan broke out from the crowd and kissed me. I was too surprised to protest. Edward gave out a little growl. I tried to push her away without hurting her feelings. Man, this was crazy. That's when my bodyguard decided to intervene. The girl looked crushed. Did she feel how warm I was, warmer than any human? But I guess she was really drunk. I smiled and waved a little as I backed off. She nearly swooned. It was hilarious.

Tonight was gonna be great. I clutched Edward a little harder in excitement.

We reached our table. We were seated with my co-stars, Robert Pattison, Kristen Stewart, Kellan Lutz, Ashley Greene and Niki Reed. My heart was jumping. Edward looked uncomfortable seated in such a close proximity with so many humans. I took his hand under the table and whispered "Sorry."

I was so selfish. I shouldn't have asked him to come. But I'd so wanted him to be there with me for the greatest moment of my life.

The evening passed uneventfully (at least Edward didn't bite anyone). The awards started getting announced.

Taylor Lautner walked on stage.

"The Award for Breakthrough Performance Male 2009 goes to…"

My heart was fluttering. Edward's hand was squeezing mine so tightly I think some of my bones got crushed.

"Jacob Black."

Huh? What? Everyone was congratulating me. Edward's face was shinning with unmistakable love and pride. I'd won? Then I grinned. Whoa! I'd won!

I walked on stage to retrieve my award. Taylor thrust the mike at me. A speech? What do I say?

"_Hey guys. I was so not expecting this. Two years ago I'd started with a dream and an unquestioning support of someone I love dearly. So this award is for love. Love does not always come from places you expect it or people. Sometimes love is unconventional. This is dedicated to that unconventional love of mine. This is not just my victory, it is the victory of the person who loved me so unconditionally, who held me when I fell, who knew I would rock even when I didn't. This is for all the people who live in love, and those who live in hate, only because they are trying to be loved. This is for the one person who made me realize love conquers it all. Whether you're Vampire or werewolf…"_ that was the theme of my movie incredibly _"when you fall in love you fall hard. And all those distinctions cease to make any difference. Thank you people, thank you for making me realize how powerful love can be."_

The whole place was silent. Then cheers erupted.

I walked off. I was strangely emotional. I reached Edward. His expression looked like he would've cried if that was possible. I grabbed his hand. This was a night for celebrations. And the reason to celebrate was right in front of me. We left the awards early.

**Dumb? I've kind of actually started to like E X J.**


	4. The Break Up!

**Long time. Long time. It's nice to be back in the scene. Was stuck with a terrible writer's block. Anyway as my confidence is shaky to say the least please review.**

**Ok Edward's swearing a lot in this chapter. Don't take offence; the poor guy is terribly upset. Lots of F* word and the regular others. So reader discretion is advised.**

**CHAPTER 4**

**The Break Up**

He was in a blinding rage. Of course, he had all the reason to be. It was two weeks after Bella had given birth. Two weeks since I had imprinted on Renesmee. Two weeks since I went back on every promise I'd ever made to Edward. Two weeks of pure hell, for both of us. I loved Edward, I truly I did. Imprinting wasn't something I had a hold over.

"Edward!" I whined. "I didn't know this would happen! It's not my fault! I would've never stepped in your house if I knew this would happen!"

He turned on me, eyes boiling with rage.

"You! You...You…Pathetic, dowdy piece of shit! Bloody fucking useless mongrel! Never, never trust a fucking dog! This is what I get! You…"

He stopped incoherent with rage. His fists shaking as he charged down at me. His fists started pummeling every inch he could reach. I didn't defend myself. It wasn't like I didn't deserve this. I was just grateful he didn't bite me. I fell back Edward still beating the crap out of my chest.

"You bastard! You rumbling runt! How could you do this! Now what, huh? You going to betray me for my own daughter?! Do you even realize how fucked up that is?! Or maybe I don't even matter anymore, yeah? What the fuck do you plan to do now, huh dog? Or do your five brain cells even have a plan?!"

He was shaking me so hard that a fistful of my shirt tore and landed in his hand. That did not stop him though. He just grabbed the left over scrap of the shirt still clinging to my body and continued to beat the crap out of me. I didn't have the heart to defend myself.

"You promised! You promised that this was more than just being fuck buddies! You said you _loved_ me! You don't belong to anyone but me! ME! You hear that?! You hear that!"

Apparently it wasn't a rhetorical question.

"Edward…"

Something in his eyes changed then, hearing the doubt in my voice. Hearing the pain in the one word I had uttered. The obvious pain I was feeling at letting him down. The despair I was feeling at having no way to spare him the pain. It was all there in that one word. He understood. He always does.

His lips started raining kisses all over me. My lips, my eyes, my forehead, my nose. His hug had the same edge of despair, as if I might disappear as soon as he let go. Today I just might. I couldn't even bring myself to respond to his kisses. Renesmee's face kept flashing in front of my eyes like a reign holding me in. He sensed my lack of response.

"She's my DAUGHTER, you prick! How can you _do_ this to me?"

"Edward. You know it's not like that. You read every one of my thought before I think of it. You know there's nothing sexual in my feelings for Nessie. It's not…like that. I'm sorry this is hurting you, believe me, I never wanted any of this to happen. I'm so sorry."

My voice was hushed, muted. I knew I was in the wrong here. But Edward apparently wasn't having it.

"There's nothing sexual _now_! That isn't much to say as she's only a week old! Can you honestly say that there would never be anything sexual though? And even if that is so, this will never be the same. _We'll_ never be the same. There will never be _us_, now will there? You're going to leave me for my _daughter_! Do you even realize how pervert that is?"

Ok. This wasn't entirely my fault. Pervert?!

"Oh yeah?! What about the fact that _you _have a daughter, Edward? What about the fact that _you _were still fucking Bella after _us_? Huh? No hypocrisy _there_ right Edward? No, _you _can just jump in the sheets with your wife anytime but _me_, oh no, I have to be the faithful goose. You know what? I'm fed up! Fed up of _you_, fed up of _us_, fed up of this little _romance_. I've just fucking had enough!"

I stormed out of the room. I knew Ed was still standing rooted to the spot I'd left him.

It felt like each of my brain cell was slowly turning to rot. I'd just hurt him. The one person I swore I never will.


End file.
